Currently it is 12 36 at night and I was just laying in bed trying to fall asleep but I kept tossing and turning. I was just watching a movie called “Door in the Floor”. It was a pretty decent movie. It was about this writer who had this assistant come live with him over the summer. The assistant ended up fooling around with the writer’s wife. I was tossing and turning because all I could think about was how it feels to be cheated on. If you have ever had this experience you know what I mean. This is one of my greatest fears and I think it may be one of the underlying reasons it is hard for me to give my heart to someone else.

I have always told myself if I were to catch my girlfriend or wife cheating that I would not be mad at the guy unless he was a friend. What gets me mad is the betrayal and if I didn’t know the guy then no betrayal was committed between me and him except if he was a friend of course. Now the girl is a complete different story. When two people commit to each other it is understood that they will remain faithful. Cheating would be the ultimate act of betrayal. I have never been in a really serious relationship before. Sure I have had girlfriends but I have always a nonchalant attitude toward the whole thing. I didn’t care much if the person left me at the drop of a hat she was just considered good company really. It sounds pretty cold hearted looking back on things but if you put things in perspective I was probably a better boyfriend than most. I never cheated. I never pushed sex; in fact usually I was the one getting pushed into having sex. I have always felt sex to be somewhat overrated.

Yeah I know the grammar and structure is awful but I am not concerned. I am kind of tired and I wanted to write this while it was still a powerful emotion. Some things are best to do with an analytical frame of mind and some things are best done with pure emotion like how Bush invaded Iraq with emotion instead of thinking things through. Like that segway? Is that a real word? I am pretty sure that is spelt correctly but it is showing up as an error in MS Word. Might just be a TV buzzword. Anyhow it is time for bed. I need to get up at five tomorrow to go running and its one in the morning. Army says you only need four hours of non consecutive sleep in a 24 hour time period so it should be enough. Oh yeah I almost forgot check out the blog Comments From Left Field I got mentioned on one of his posts J. I am famous! Well not really but it’s a start. Later